that's not a civil war... that's a civil war.

Apparently, an effervescent county court judge from good ol' Lubbock County, Texas believes that there may be a civil war if president Obama is re-elected. I'm just paraphrasing here, but I think the direct quote was something like "if dem dere Obama Bin Laden gets re-elected, us here angry folk are gon git angrier, and ya'll ain't gon' lik us when we angriers." I wonder if he can feel it in his bones?

Now, to be sure, war is no joke. And real civil war? Why there ain't nothin' civil about it (BOOM! #wordjokes). But I think we're overlooking the real threat here. Can Americans organize an all-out civil war? mmm... doubt it. But you know who can? ROBOTS!! That's right, I'm talkin' computers and shit. Seriously.

For starters, probably like 90 percent of us stare at em' all day long! Don't you get it?! TVs, Computers, Phones, Microwaves, this blog! They're burning our retinas! Ruining our vision!! What's easier than taking over a nation of apathetic fatties? Oh, I don't know, what about about taking over a nation of near-sited apathetic fatties?!

Personally, I think we would be much better off if tall-ass Abe Lincoln had spent less time murdering vampire pilgrims and more time letting the South go ahead and secede. Then we'd all have somewhere to run when the robots attack. You know, 'cause people from the South don't know how to build robots. #roasted #hypotheticalfutureburn

i was able to conduct a brief interview with judge tom head:
me: aren't you worried about robots?
head: robots?! oh, you must be one a dem poors, boy. my bot has gots a motor on it!